What's The Matter, Lost Your Sense Of Humour?

When thousands of Spanish football fans made monkey chants every time a black player touched the ball, this was of course hysterically funny and only a few humourless hypocrites failed to get the joke. Equally, who could forget the fine, subtle irony displayed by the Spanish basketball team pretending to be Chinese by stretching their eyes? But then a French puppet show makes a joke about one of Spain's poor defenceless millionaire tennis players and this is an unacceptable affront and official government complaints must be made to the French authorities.

Serious Bullshit Alert

Much of central and southern Spain will be on brown alert tomorrow as torrential bullshit is predicted following today's vote in the Catalan parliament to ban bullfighting. The highest levels of bullshit are predicted for Madrid, particularly in the areas around the offices of ABC, La Razón and El Mundo. Such high levels will be provoked by repeated attempts to associate the bullfighting ban with Catalan nationalism. Smaller, but still dangerous, waves of bullshit will also emanate from TeleMadrid and the Cope radio station. It is not expected that the recent decision by Madrid's regional parliament to accept for debate a similar Iniciativa Popular against the blood sport will have any significant effect on the levels of bullshit generated. The worst should be over by Friday but the brown alert will not be officially lifted until August begins and everyone goes on holiday.

Aguirre, The Matador's Friend

As the Catalan parliament was busy debating bullfighting this week, Esperanza Aguirre couldn't resist making a special contribution to the debate. She announced on Thursday that the bloodsport is to receive special protection in Madrid as a Bien de Interés Cultural, a status normally only awarded to physical buildings or landscapes. Of course this was Aguirre making her bid for the headlines as the right wing media in Spain raged about the evil Catalan threat to the "fiesta nacional". Espe spent most of the day being photographed in a series of bullfighting poses and she got her reward; pictures on the front pages of the three major right wing Spanish papers. For a person who finds the restricting role of governing Madrid so terribly dreary it's very hard for her to avoid the temptation to upstage the rest of her party in this way and the move came just a day after she told her regional party to get into electioneering mood. Not to worry, there's only another 15 months of this kind of campaigning ahead of us, who says sport and politics don't mix?

Meanwhile the appearances of pro and anti bullfighting witnesses in the Catalan parliament have been quite interesting and in many ways a model of how to deal with such issues. The bullfighting lobby has been working hard but in the end their arguments come down to liberty (obviously not for the bull), tradition (anyone for a stoning?) and unconvincing attempts to minimise the suffering of the animals. What makes the debate special is that there is very little outside intervention involved, a sign of how attitudes towards bullfighting have changed here over the years. The sport is gradually declining, despite very significant public subsidy, and those against it are not just to be found in Cataluña. Its future in that region now seems to depend on the nationalists of Convergencia i Unió, as the rest of the parties have lined up their votes on either side. CiU has so far allowed its members a free vote on the issue.

Who Will Put An End To This Treason?

It's not enough that the Catalans organise votes on independence without asking permission, now they are even considering the prohibition of bullfighting! It's possible that the acceptance yesterday by the Catalan parliament of a popular initiative to put an end to the bloodsport has caused even more heart problems in the higher barrios of Madrid than last week's independence 'consultations'. "La fiesta nacional" is under threat, and the right-wing consensus seems to be that they are only doing it to provoke Spain, El Mundo claimed on its front page this morning that the purpose of the vote was to distance Cataluña from the rest of the country.

Yesterday's vote was actually quite close, and was just a preliminary to the main vote which will take place in a few months time. The bull fighting industry is preparing itself for battle, despite all the rhetoric about the Catalans the reality is that the sport faces growing opposition in many parts of the country, and home grown opposition to it has grown significantly in the last few years. It moves a lot of money, and attracts a lot of spending from municipalities for their annual fiestas, but for many younger Spaniards it is a relic from another age and what probably worries the industry most is the risk of contagion if Cataluña sets the example. Nobody should imagine bullfighting is about to disappear, but we could be witnessing the first clear signals of decline.

Madrid's Fading Olympic Flame

Madrid's attempt to host the 2016 Olympic Games has taken a serious knock following the issuing of the reports on the candidate cities yesterday. It looks like their Powerpoint skills may have let them down, or perhaps lunch wasn't to the liking of the visiting delegation? In any case the city is trailing behind rivals such as Rio de Janeiro or Tokyo. Personally I'm delighted at the news, there may be cases where hosting the Games brings a real boost to a city but that is only the situation where those in charge have the imagination and skill to use the event to make a difference. Madrid's administration fails on both counts, the bid being much more about the attempt by mayor Alberto Ruiz Gallardón to promote himself and his political career at vast expense for an already heavily indebted city. Two strikes and you're out, Madrid already lost the last time around.

The City of Eternal Trenches has been a sight for sore eyes this summer as Plan E has come to the rescue of the Pharaoh´s broken budget. I have read reports that those taking the open topped tourist buses that drive around the city centre have seen little else except workmen drilling holes in the asphalt. The smart Olympic betting says that Rio will get much of the Latin American support and that some European countries will not support the Spanish bid because they intend to be contenders for the following games. Then there is the question of whether Obama throws his weight behind Chicago. Given that the final selection might well be based on what we should call "other criteria", there could still be hope for Gallardón. He doesn't have much else to look forward to at the moment, having had to resign himself to being the PP candidate for mayor yet again in 2011. His waiting game continues, but life is much less fun with no money to spend.

Spot The Winner

Competition time again on South of Watford. Only one of the two people you see in this photo has won the Tour de France. Can you tell which one it is?

Patriotas Sin Fronteras

I was in the UK at the weekend, and both in the press and on TV I noticed an extensive advertising by the Banco de Santander. Nothing unusual about that, now that the Santander has increased still further its interests in the British banking sector. What really caught my attention was that the advertising was based around images of a well known Formula One racing driver....Lewis Hamilton! I wonder how many of those Spaniards whose irrational hatred for Hamilton is so forcefully expressed have accounts with the Spanish bank that is helping to make him richer?

The amount of corporate advertising directly linking itself to sporting events seems to be much greater in Spain, there always seems to be something in the press from a company congratulating the underwater synchronised hockey team for their latest achievements. I always find these adverts by multinational companies like Coca Cola in support of "la selección" quite funny because I assume they produce probably identical advertisements for every country that is competing in the event. I suppose its only to be expected, many of the most highly rewarded sports stars soon find their own patriotism doesn't survive the test of paying taxes in their country of origin.

Atleti's Olympic Riddle

It seemed to be a perfect plan. Madrid mayor Alberto Ruiz Gallardón would get his Olympic arena as a result of a giant property deal involving the demolition of Atlético Madrid’s Vicente Calderón stadium and the refurbishment of the Peineta stadium on the other side of the city. The football club would get a new stadium, which would be paid for from the flats built on the site of the old one, and this new stadium would also be the centre of Madrid’s 2016 Olympic bid. A huge amount of money would pass, albeit briefly, through Atleti’s bank account on its way to the construction companies who would do so nicely out of building the new flats and upgrading La Peineta. It was the ultimate Madrid deal, the happy convergence of speculative construction with a city administration in permanent need of ever grander projects so that no one will ever forget the reign of the pharaoh. That the club doesn’t really need a new stadium matters little, Atleti’s fans have put up with so much else in recent years this seems almost insignificant by comparison.

Suddenly the plan doesn’t look so good. Problem number one, the rights to the redevelopment of the land occupied by the Vicente Calderón are in the hands of Martinsa-Fadesa. This company is not showing much enthusiasm for building new blocks of flats at the moment. Problem number two, nobody is showing much interest in buying new flats anyway; a situation that looks unlikely to change in the near future. The funding behind the whole deal doesn’t look very secure. As if that wasn’t enough it has been reported that Gallardón no longer regards a revamped Peineta as being sufficient tribute to his wisdom and power. Following his recent trip to Beijing he now wants to have the biggest and best Olympic stadium the world has ever seen. Even with a bit of creative accounting the proceeds of the Atlético pelotazo may no longer be enough to fulfil his wishes. The search is on for companies to take the place of Martinsa, there are certainly many volunteers who will be interested in building the lavish new stadium, but those new flats down by the river are not so enticing at the moment. As for the funding gap, if the city debt is already so high who will notice anyway if they add a bit more? It’s all for a good cause.

Some Of My Best Friends Are Chinese

I don’t believe it, it must have been my general indifference towards the Olympics that meant that this one passed me by. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Spanish basketball team presents its “respects” to the Chinese nation!


In Spain, as in China, there is a certain resistance to losing face so incidents like this get made much worse by the excuse machine going in to overdrive to try and explain away what has happened. So we are told that they did this picture as a “gesto cariñoso”. Now I know that Prince Philip once told a group of British volunteers in China that they would go slitty eyed if they stayed any longer in the country, but he at least has the excuse of being a Royal and is therefore expected to say stupid things.

I have a piece of advice for the Spanish football federation. The next World Cup will be held in South Africa. If any of your sponsors suggest that the players black up their faces and dress as Zulu warriors to show the South Africans how much they love them, confiscate their passports and leave them in Madrid. Believe me, it's for the best.

Playing Games With The Olympics

Whilst some athletes have been able to sign a petition addressed to the Chinese president, Spain’s competitors in the Olympics had the riot act read to them a few days ago by their own Olympic chief. No politics, or you go home, was his message as he repeated the old chestnut about it being time for sport to take priority over everything else. I’m not sure the Chinese government sees it that way, but in the best traditions of the Olympics making political use of the event is seen as being the prerogative of the host nation. At first it was thought that no blogs would be permitted for the athletes, but that now seems to be not the case as long as they steer clear of anything controversial.

Spain of course is an aspiring host for the games in 2016, and foreign minister Moratinos claimed yesterday that Spain was now China’s best friend in Europe. To celebrate this great leap forward we got agreement from the Chinese for the first Spanish companies to export ham to China. Let’s hope they don’t get to like it too much as it’s expensive enough already. Perhaps if they smear the ham with cabrales that will act as a deterrent. During all the protests over Tibet earlier in the year Madrid’s very own Pharoah, Alberto Ruiz Gallardón, disappeared off to Beijing for a few days. He had little to say about human rights but when he saw the Olympic Stadium he was said to have uttered words along the lines of “I want one of those for my city”.

Meanwhile, back home, one of the few judges not involved in chasing De Juana Chaos instead decided to accept a case against several members of the Chinese government for their repression of the protests in Tibet. Moratinos claimed that the subject was not even raised in his meetings with Chinese representatives, so we can safely assume he won’t be attempting a citizen’s arrest during his stay in China. Maybe he will find time to watch some sport instead.

Madrid, Olympic City

Bad news. Madrid is one of the four cities competing to host the 2016 Olympics, having passed the initial selection. The rivals are Tokio, Rio de Janeiro and Chicago. Having lost out to London for the 2012 event, Madrid’s administration has gone straight for the following games. I’m not a big enthusiast for the Olympics anyway, and I suspect after this year’s show in Beijing there will be fewer fans of the event. However, Madrid Pharaoh and part-time Mayor Alberto Ruiz Gallardón is determined to get the games, largely as a monument to his everlasting glory.

One of the key projects proposed by Gallardón is…..and you’re just not going to believe this….the burial of part of the outer ring road near to the Olympic stadium! At last, urban tunnelling is going to get the recognition it deserves and become an Olympic sport. This should help to increase the local medal haul, especially as it forms such a neat triathlon with property speculation and trench hurdling as parts of the city are ripped up yet again. I assume that the plan for Atletico Madrid to pay for the Olympic stadium still stands, although I wonder whether the housing construction planned for the site of the club’s existing stadium will really seem so attractive as property prices plunge? Perhaps if no one is interested in buying houses on the site they could just erect a giant obelisk in honour of the Unknown Speculator. In the event of a successful bid, I predict many other pointless but hugely expensive great works as Madrid reaches out to become the most heavily mortgaged city in the world.

An interesting side effect of the bid is its effect on Gallardón’s political future in the PP power struggle. The Olympic bid requires Gallardón to spend the next couple of years providing suitable incentives to members of the International Olympic Committee, which could leave him a bit too busy to fully fight his corner in the PP. Meanwhile, we are left with the hope that the international selectors will not allow the games to be held on European soil just four years after the London Olympics.

More Tales from The Green

Back on a sporting theme, I've seen a couple of stories in the last week which demonstrate just how vital it is for us to have more people playing golf. Over in Avila yet another area of woodland has been devastated to make way for an urbanisation of several thousand homes and its now inevitable golf courses. There is only one problem, the inhabitants of the nearest village (only 150 of them) are entirely reliant on water brought in from outside as the already severely depleted local supply is contaminated with arsenic. I'm sure a solution will be found to stop the golfers dropping dead on the first hole. No such problems at the private Real Club Puerta de Hierro in Madrid, as the city administration has generously agreed to invest 800,000 euros on setting them up with a guaranteed water supply. Anybody who thinks this is not an appropriate use of public funds can move to Avila....or anywhere else except Madrid.

The golf course is deserted....

I have a pitch for a Hollywood movie, but before I get on the plane to Los Angeles I thought I'd try it out here first. It's the year 2040. A clean, wholesome looking young professional couple dressed in matching polo shirts are discussing their plans for the evening. "What shall we do tonight darling?" says one. "It's so lovely outside, let's get the clubs out and have another round of golf". Happily they make their way down to the lush green golf course that lies just inside the heavily guarded perimeter of their urbanisation. Meanwhile, not far away in the ruins of the city formerly known as Madrid, groups of private "security" guards roam the delapidated streets. They are paid to hunt down and exterminate the few remaining people who have had problems adapting to the lifestyle made compulsory 25 years earlier by twin headed hydra and President for Life Aguirre-Gallardón. Stopping by a dusty, sunbaked concrete gully to rest for a while, one security guard says to the other "what do you think this was for?". " I'm not really sure", replies his companion, "although they say a river ran through it".

Meanwhile, Back On The Green

I wrote a post back in January about the creation of a golf practice centre in an area of Madrid where local residents had expected to have a public park. At the time I questioned how such a project could be classified by the regional government as being of "general interest", a classification which allowed the project to proceed more easily. Well at the end of last week we got a better idea of those whose interest is best served by the conversion of this open space into an area reserved for golf enthusiasts. It turns out that the administrator of the company given management rights over the centre has close business connections with a brother and brother-in-law of the vice president of the regional government, Ignacio González. Not only is González deputy to the pauper president Esperanza Aguirre, he is also in charge of the public water company who own the land on which the golf centre was constructed. I am not suggesting that there was anything irregular in the way this issue was handled, I just thought it reasonable to point out the connection.....in the general interest of course.

What Is It About Golf?

Now don’t get me wrong, I really don’t have strong feelings about golf and the people who play it. Ok, I think it’s a boring sport, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to destroy areas of beautiful woodland to replace them with golf courses so that constructors can sell more houses. Otherwise, my general approach to the sport is tolerant, each to their own.

Unfortunately it seems that there are those with less tolerant views on the other side of the fence. A fine piece of open land in Chamberi - in the centre of Madrid - which was going to be converted into a public park for the benefit of all the local community, is now instead going to become a 9 hole golf course and practice centre. The regional government of Madrid declares this project to be of “general interest”, presumably even more so than a park would be. Now I’ve asked around at work a bit and have yet to find anyone who plays golf, none of the people I know in Madrid are golf players – unless they do it secretly. Maybe I mix in the wrong circles but somehow I don't get the feeling that the decision was taken after a tough meeting where the question of general interest was debated at length.

Playing in the park

So there we have it, even if you don't want to play golf you might find soon that it becomes a compulsory part of citizenship. Madrid residents may end up having their political reliability tested depending on whether they can tell two golf clubs apart. Why don’t they just convert the Santiago Bernabeu into a golf course, there is not much else happening there at the moment? In the general interest of course.