Waiting For The Great Leap Forward

Spain's ruling party, The People's Party, held it's 17th Congress last weekend as hundreds of thousands of Spaniards took to the streets in an unprecedented show of defiance to the hardline regime. The congress saw the re-election of Kim Jong Rajoy as party leader. Regime mouthpiece PPravda reported that Kim Jong Rajoy, normally referred to as the Dear Leader, was endorsed by an overwhelming 161% of party delegates. The paper compared this to the previous congress in 2008, when the party's leader only received the support of 142% of those attending. 

Speeches at the congress focused overwhelmingly on the dire economic situation of the country. Kim Jong Rajoy, in his acceptance speech, warned the country of hard times that lie ahead before leaving to take his afternoon nap. A controversial policy of sacking 80% of the Spanish workforce was presented to delegates as an important measure to assist job creation, under the slogan "We must first destroy in order to create". A new four year plan to revitalise the moribund economy was also presented. 

Bold new production targets have been set for key industries, notably those producing tear gas canisters, rubber bullets, police batons and other crowd control materials. Other key modernisation policies include the mandatory use of shackles in the workplace. Party officials pointed out that these shackles were made from highly resistant plastic rather than the more traditional iron. Another sign of the country's technological prowess, they claimed. Important changes were also announced for workers salaries. Delegates at the conference unanimously supported a motion describing the monthly salary as an outmoded, petit-bourgeois concept. 

One notable absentee from the congress this time was Francisco Camps from Valencia. A hero of the previous congress, which was held in Valencia, Camps has since fallen into disgrace following the discovery of unspecified irregularities at the Number 4 Suits R Us factory. Kim Jong Rajoy left almost immediately following the congress for talks with the regime's key allies in the Eurobloc Pact. German and French leaders provide occasional assistance to prop up Kim Jong Rajoy's regime under the strict condition that the only beneficiaries of this aid should be the banks.